Letter Template on "Ending It All"

Dear John,


I never explained because I didn’t know how I could start. I always felt that we were going about in two different languages and getting through was an impossible feat. When pride gets in the way, a thousand reasons surface, every one of which makes unquestionable sense. Also, I was always made suddenly inarticulate in your presence-- my vocabulary downsized to monosyllabic responses. Initially I was left hanging on the line and the confusion compelled me to take hold of the situation. When I took a plunge, I was prepared for the silence that entailed but reality was still more difficult to manage than expectations. I wasn’t complaining though. With what I had requested, I was getting exactly what I had intended for. So the meaningful conversations and personal sharing gave way to noisy banter. It grew even quieter with all that noise. I’m not sure if there was a better way that things could have unfolded.

Everything was swept under the carpet and there was nothing much left to be said. But I guess a part of me was always waiting for something to happen. A reconciliation, a thrashing out session, a meal—I wasn’t sure what exactly either. With all that silence, I could only try to guess your thoughts. I was convinced that I was only remembering the good stuff and blurring out the bad. Still I hung around.

And then one day, it suddenly ‘clicked’ within me. I don’t know why or how because it was just an ordinary cloudless day, one of those days which seem like a continuation of the day before. At that one moment, I realized that despite all our similarities, we are actually worlds apart. But that wasn’t it—what hit me was that I would never really be happy with you. I was simply desiring for something that was difficult to reach and that was your allure, which became my challenge.
 
I’m finally letting the past go and I wonder why it took this long. Now everything seems comparatively straightforward.

Love,
Mary