The Structure of Sanity

“Is it possible, in the final analysis, for one human being to achieve perfect understanding of another?

We can invest enormous time and energy in serious efforts to know another person, but in the end, how close can we come to that person’s essence? We convince ourselves that we know the other person well, but do we really know anything important about anyone?”

-Haruki Murakami’s “The Wind-up Bird Chronicle”

Life now is absent of routines, I have lost count of days and my week is separated into portions: early week, mid-week, end week. The first five minutes of every waking moment is spent figuring out which day of the week it is. A new day often feels like a yesterday, and I am in bed wondering if I have lived the day or is it just the beginning of another day that feels set to be like the day before, and the days before that. Between the day and the night, I am traversing places, meeting various social groups, packing the hours down to the very second, catching up on the life that I think I ought to be living.

These days that finally count as liberating and enriching ironically feel just as structured as days of routine. I am tired of meeting people: old friends, new friends, people that would last only during this period. Everyone is essentially quite the same. Unpacking the exteriors of different houses, tastes, occupations, social circles, families, every person goes through life in a similar fashion, with the same struggles in each life phase. Conversations begin to become predictable, places no longer fresh, experiences aren’t stale, just blend. Meeting people repeatedly and simultaneously zaps away a fair deal of energy, and I feel it seeping into the ground like a melted butter. It becomes a task to tick on a To-Do list, or an obligation of sorts.

I watched Revolutionary Road the other night and it was awfully depressing. I didn’t enjoy the movie at all, save for the question Kate Winslet asked Leonardo Dicaprio, “What is insanity?” To which, he replied, “Insanity… Insanity is the inability to relate to other people. Insanity is the inability to love another person.” I’m not sure why his reply appealed to me most. Perhaps, it’s because it throws the Normal person off balance and questions his/her sanity.